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Been a while…

It’s been over a year since I posted on this blog last. Oops. If it helps you feel any better, 2015 was a decently uneventful year. 

I went to graduate school and made friends with whom I have already lost touch. My first semester in the management practice program at CSU involved evening class meetings at the small bar on campus and figuring out how to keep my writing short and sweet. My second semester involved a lot of coffee and too much work with little takeaway. Lucky for me, the program only lasted two semesters, and I was able to graduate with a bachelor’s and a master’s degree in less than five years.

Since I graduated in December, I fell back into the seemingly never-ending job search. Once again I have to be a real adult person, and every morning I wake up thinking “I don’t want to. Don’t make me.” Because I might leave my part-time job any day to explore other opportunities, I can’t even fill my time completely with work. Mostly, I just wake up earlier than I’d like every day and send out hopeful responses to job postings. I’ve had one interview this year. I thought it went better than it did, decided to be my blindly optimistic self, and was very disappointed when I got a generic copy-and-paste email on following up. Not everything can go my way, but I’m starting to get tired of being told that someone else is better than me over and over again. It really is exhausting.

On the plus side, all this free time is giving me a chance to write more. Hence, this blog post. Not long ago, I found an old story I wrote and plan to revisit it. There’s another one that I think might be publish-ready, and if I can overcome that “it’s not perfect though” feeling I might send it out to a few places. Maybe I can make some money off my writing and never look for jobs again. If only…

I’ve been thinking a lot about where I’m trying to go in life and how the heck I’m supposed to get there. In an ideal world I could write stories and organize people’s houses for a living. I could read novels and have a vegetable garden(if I could keep it alive) in my free time. And I could interact only with people I actually want to see. This dream might require more adulting than I’m imagining it to, but it sounds better than anything else right now. Being a supportive member of society brings my mood down.

My other and I are still together, now for over two years. Every holiday we celebrate, we now celebrate for the third time(speaking of which, here’s my birthday fondue celebration:10325516_1111123848899826_7263920850305055632_nHe lives an hour and a half away from me now because of work, but it doesn’t feel like a “long distance” relationship. We see each other every weekend and miss each other all week, but we’re never too far away. I’m usually crying pathetically whenever one of us drives away on Sunday nights either way. When my lease is up in August, I’m probably going to move closer to him, and hopefully a job.

For now, though, I’m just trudging along without a bunch of turns visible ahead. I hope that I like whatever comes next.

Breaking

Last week, everything I touched broke, and everything I did went wrong.

Well, not everything, I suppose. On Monday, I celebrated my birthday with mimosas and good company. I didn’t break anything then that I know of. Unfortunately, Tuesday was the start of a bad week.

I managed to knock over two big displays at work, breaking a good amount of merchandise. My boss never cares, and we don’t have to pay for what gets broken, but I’d much prefer that I didn’t mimic a tornado. In addition to that, I broke something I was trying to clean for a friend, ripped the sole of a pair of shoes, snapped a broom in two, and dropped my hair dryer. It almost feels like the destruction will never end. Maybe it’s in my blood.

Oh, and I’ve been so busy studying for the GMAT and working Christmas season in retail that I forgot to mention the Master of Management Practice is still available if I get in for next semester. And considering I aced the GMAT, it wasn’t much of a surprise when I got my email of acceptance yesterday.

My mom is so happy to have two daughters going into masters programs. My older sister studied biology, however, and she is pursuing it even further. She’s already in a successful career with her own house and car. I have a feeling that owning a small business or editing won’t get me to the same point as quickly. Then again, I have no idea what lies ahead–in any category of life. Everyone seems to celebrate their 20’s as much as possible: drinking publicly, wearing youthful clothing, meeting various partners. To me, at least for now, my 20’s are unstable and confusing.

I don’t mean I’m unstable. I’ve never felt better in my life, actually. But I don’t know where I’ll be in sixth months, let alone in several years. The ground shifts constantly beneath my feet, and while I have decent balance, it’s starting to make me uncomfortable. It makes me dread the ground falling out beneath me.

A pretty personal example of this is my relationship. It’s great. We’re a strong couple, but we discussed long distance and won’t do it. Rob graduates in May, and by entering this program I know for a fact I’m staying where I am for at least one more year. Already, though, he is applying for jobs around the country, and he knows he plans to jump around before settling down in one place. It’s likely that I’ll spend several years saving money before opening my business, but I don’t know if I’ll be jumping around with him. I want to ask him to wait just a little longer for me to graduate, but I never want to hold him back.

So for selfish reasons, I pray he gets a job in Colorado. Because I love him more than words and want him to succeed with joy, though, I plan to urge him to do what is best for him, even if it means him moving to Texas or Illinois. So that’s one reason I consider my 20’s a time of instability. I have no control over my future in many aspects.

Rob and I did get a wonderful gift from my boss, and Sunday night we had dinner and rode through Old Town in a horse carriage. Here we are:

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Happy Thanksgiving!

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I woke up at 7 this morning,  but my alarm just sounded at 11 a.m. Sleeping in isn’t easy for me,  especially when I have anxious dreams about being back in high school.

In my extra time today,  I made one pecan pie and two pumpkin pies. Of course, I would’ve done that even if I didn’t wake up early.

I’ll write more soon!

Have a swell Thanksgiving!

Getting Used to Time Off

I’ve been nursing a cup of coffee, and the warmth has spread through the palms of my hands and up my arms. A couple of days ago, I almost switched from coffee to green tea, but I can’t do it. Coffee tastes too good to quit. I am on my way to being healthier in other ways still, though! I’ve been getting in physical activity every day, and I’m trying to eat a little better. My biggest issue is going to be eating less. And healthier. I eat too quickly, and I’m addicted to chocolate.

After my graduation in May, I was excited to job search and start a real career. I wanted to get myself into a new gear. But the interim is a big challenge to me. While my boyfriend and his roommates do their homework, I play with the Family Guy app and nap. I’m antsy for things to do, which is part of the reason I started working out more. Yesterday afternoon, I was thinking about what to snack on, and I realized both that I wasn’t hungry and also that I was bored out of my mind. So instead of eating hummus and chips, I went for a half hour run. A little later I ate cookies and a calzone and cancelled everything out.

So I’ve discovered that boredom leads to eating and jogging. I’m going to pick up new hobbies when I have the money, too. This blog is definitely giving me something to do, which is great, and keeping me in practice with my writing, but I kind of want to pick up mosaic artwork, too. I know I was planning to do more research on copy editing, too, so I’ll try to remind myself of that, too.

The break has been very nice, but I think I’m going to start applying to graduate school come December. Most programs would be a year long, and I’m focusing on publishing programs. DU has a good publishing summer program, but I could get an M.S. in publishing at NYU or University of Houston–Victoria. I suppose we’ll see what happens, but at this point I really wouldn’t mind going back to school.

I’m about to cut this short and head to work to fold shirts and dust shelves, so I’ll give you a good picture of my fish. I just cleaned their bowls. The one on the left is actually my old roommate’s beta–when she moved to Nebraska she forgot to leave a cup holder clear for him. I think his name is Akita, and I know for sure my fish’s name is Odin.

Have a wonderful day!